8.5

Act your age, not your shoe size.  I remember my mom saying that to me when I would meltdown over something irrational.   She had a tendency to repeat herself….or maybe it was me.  At any rate, the admonition stuck and even today, I hear her in my mind reining me in.  Unless there are shoes involved.

I figure I’ve run 6.7 laps around my shoe size by now and frankly, I’m tired of acting my age, especially when it comes to shoes.   So I don’t.  I wear an 8.5 and I am 8.5 when I’m within sight of Macy’s shoe department, a Zappos’ link or  the Victoria's Secret boot catalog.  I am safe nowhere.

According to a child psychologist, the average 8.5 year old girl is explosive, excitable, dramatic, and inquisitive.  

She:

·       Possesses a "know-it-all" attitude.   I’m a shoe expert.  I know which ones will hurt more than they’re worth, but I’m curious.  Would a half size larger and some cushion insoles balance the equation?  I know that a platform style will allow me to add an inch to the heel and not break stride.  Is there an over-the-counter remedy for nose bleeds? 

·       Is able to assume some responsibility for her actions.  My Macy’s account is in my name.  I never ask anyone to pay the mortgage on my shoes, but really?  23% interest and $7 for shipping?  That’s just not right!

·       Actively seeks praise.  If I’m shopping with girlfriends, a raised eyebrow will suffice.  When shopping alone it’s drama over dignity.   The sales rep will do.  “So.  What d’ya think?  Don’t these look great?”  Works best if they’re getting paid commission.

·       May undertake more than she can handle successfully.  Well for crying out loud!  I only have two hands and I’m wearing 5” stilettos!  I crammed four of the shoe boxes in two bags with handles but I can’t balance the other three all the way to the car.  Hey lady, I’ll give you $20 to rent your stroller for five minutes.

·       Is self-critical.  What’s the matter with me?  I’m such a klutz.  Jessica Simpson could do this.

·       Recognizes the needs of others.  I’m sure there are women out there who have only one pair of shoes.  So sad!  I’ll take two old pair out of my closet when I get home and put them in the Salvation Army drop box tomorrow.

I can be 8.5 for the duration of the shopping trip, but when I get home, I’m happy to act my age and soak in the tub with a double vodka tonic. 

As my mother got older she would say that age is just a matter of mind.  If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.  I get it, Mom.